In mediation yesterday, Sam Harris (the instructor on Waking Up) said we should simulate a particular scenario and see how it feels like.

This was particularly hard for me and I’m guessing it’ll be the same for a large proportion of people out there, even though I’ve been meditating since last year it was so hard for me to bring that particular feeling.

This was the exercise:

Imagine what it’s like to not look forward to anything, to not expect anything, to not anticipate anything, to feel as if there’s no new problem to solve, to feel as if nothing is coming.

Of course, I wasn’t able to do any of these, and it was at that moment it truly dawned on me what the human experience feels like.

It’s like we live our lives in constant pursuit of what’s next. I, for example, I’m always looking forward to the next problem or the solution to a current problem. I’m always anticipating something, I’m always trying to reach out for something.

To steal the words of my favorite author, “We use the future to escape the present”.

It’s hard to ever be present and not anticipate anything. This might be a flaw in how I was raised as children, to always be on the move, to always be doing something, to never be idle.

What if idleness is not the Devil’s workshop as they say?

What if idleness is where you truly get to know yourself and discover how empty the human experience is without dreams, aspirations, or challenges?

I started to practice idleness last year, just a 5-10min state where I just sit down and not move at all. Time is incredibly slow during these moments and it made me realize that spending time with yourself devoid of activity, media, talk, music, and plans, though a very useful practice for digging deep into your mind is quite difficult to achieve.

There’s no major point or insight to draw from all these, I just simply want to share my observation.

This post was first published on April 19, 2021, in my old blog.

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